Sermon Notes

"Ephesians Chapter 5"

By Jesse Rairdon

October 19^th, 2014

 Click here to download printable sermon notes in pdf format. 

                Brother Andy, would you come up and lead us in prayer, for the message, and for God’s hand upon all of us, including myself.

ANDY:   Lord Jesus, I thank You just to be in Your presence, today.  I thank You for the spirit which You are pouring out even now, Lord, and that You would continue to pour out.  I pray for this message this morning, the messenger, for his eyes and his ears, to be able to be Your vessel today .  For those of us who are in this sanctuary, open our ears, open our minds, open our hearts to what You would teach us this morning, the things that You would have us to learn, the things that we need to know.  Open our understanding.  We thank You, and praise You, in Jesus name, amen. 

                Good morning, church.  What a wonderful worship time.  Sometimes you just don’t want it to end, and just want to keep worshiping.  This is part of our worship, too.  This is when we receive what God has for us, when we read His Word. 

                Time of Sanctification - how is everybody doing on that? I have learned a lot about myself during this time.  I learned about some things that I need to do better at.  Things I needed to change, some things I needed to let go of, and some things I needed to embrace.  Even after this month I want to continue some of the things, like accountability with someone during the week and improving my reading habits , and fasting.  I don’t know about you guys, but I love to eat.  Some people eat to live, and some people live to me; I might be the second.  So, fasting I struggle with, but when someone holds me accountable, and we pray together, and go to God, it gets accomplished; needs get met.  If you don’t understand some of those things about fasting—just a quick note about fasting—read Isaiah chapter 58, to give you a better understanding of that.  You can seek God, and ask God how you can meet those things in there about fasting.  Amen?

                Ephesians series--how many are enjoying this Ephesians series this last couple of months? I'm not going to recap today the whole series; I will leave that to Parrish next week, as God leads him.

                So, today we are going to be in Chapter 5.  As I was seeking God, and praying about, “What are the needs of the church, what would You have me to share from chapter 5?” One thing truly stood out to me, above everything, is relationship. 

Three things we’re going to talk about:

1.  Relationship with God

2.  Relationship in the marriage

3.  Ministry together.  Having a Pricilla & Aquila type ministry.

                Now, don’t just tune me out today, because it’s about marriage, if you’re single.  You could learn some things about how to relate with your brothers and sisters, and others who are married.  Take some good notes.  Take it to heart.  Amen? 

Relationship with God

Ephesians 5:1-2                Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.   

We’re children.  We first must understand that our relationship with God is we are children, He is the father.  That’s the first thing we must come to terms with.  There is one in charge, and that is God; it’s not me.  There is a certain respect and godly fear we should have, and reverence.  When I was younger, there was one person I did not want to make angry, that was my dad.  I tell you what, if I heard the words, "Wait 'til your father comes home," I was in fear the rest of the day until I had to face whatever punishment I had to face.  You didn't cross him, or even give the slightest that you disagreed with him, or his anger would turn hot, quick.  Yes, I feared the belt, and didn't like to be punished, but I also wanted to please him, in a way, too.  I wanted to be a good son.  I desired to be a good son.

In today's society there is a misunderstanding between punishment and discipline.  Some people think that giving a child a spanking is discipline.  Actually, the word discipline means to disciple, to teach, to instruct.  Punishment without instruction is just a whooping.  There is a difference; God doesn’t just give us a beating, He instructs us.  He teaches us.  He corrects us.  Amen?

Proverbs 22:6     Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  

                We’re always in training; we’re always God’s children.  We’re always in that relationship of being taught.  We’re always being trained; we’re growing up and being nurtured.  Amen? God trains us; he instructs us.

Hebrews 12:5-10              And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him: For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth.  If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.  Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 

Definition of Chastise:

v. 

c.1300, chastisen, from Old French chastiier "to warn, advise, instruct;

chastise, admonish; punish; dominate, tame" (12c., Modern French châtier),

from Latin castigare "to set or keep right, to reprove, chasten, to punish,"

literally "to make pure"

So, God does these things to us, to make us pure.  Why? So we can live.  I'm not going to get into whether parents should spank their child or not; that's really between the parents and that child.  You can chastise someone with the tongue, and train them up, just as much as you can with the hand or the belt.  Amen? So let every family work that out in their own families.  God loves us so He corrects us when we are wrong; that’s for our own good.  Our relationship depends on instruction and correction and how we receive it.  That’s important.  How you receive that instruction and correction from God is important.  We got to have humility; we've got to submit.  Some things God instructs on and teaches us on, will literally affect our relationship with Him.

Remember when Parrish opened up this series, and he talked about his church in Ephesus? This is not so much a letter of rebuke that they were doing these things, as it is a letter of, “Hey, keep these things in remembrance.” So, with that thought, let’s read these next Scriptures. 

Ephesians 5:3    But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

                The difference: to the church at Corinth he said, “I have heard these things are common among you,” to the church of Ephesus he says, “let it not be once named among you…” So he’s kind of warning them, don’t do these things. 

Ephesians 5:4    Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. 

                I am so much looking forward to this "Giving Thanks" series coming up.  Starting to get things stirred up.  I’m thinking, and praying about things. 

Ephesians 5:5    For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 

So, your relationship is hindered by these things, and you can you lose your inheritance.  Remember, Chris touched on Esau, who, for a morsel of bread, sold his birthright.  These things affect our relationship with God; in fact our inheritance is taken away.  God will chastise us and deal with us on these matters, and teach us in these matters, because He loves us and wants to keep that relationship.  When we have our relationship with God right first, then we can get our relationship right with our family.  Then, from our family, to the outside, to the rest of the world.   

Relationship in the Marriage.

Ephesians 5:21-24            Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.  Wives, submit yourselves unto your- own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

We don't like that word submission very much, do we? Even society, in general, because we think of it as weak.  Consider Jesus on the cross; was He considered weak when He submitted Himself to the cross?  We live in a society that has made a great emphasis on democracy and the equality of everybody; so, we have adopted a "nobody is going to tell me nothing, no how," sort-of-attitude.  I can do exactly as I want; I live in the land of the free and the home of the brave, and I'm free to do my own thing.  This idea of submission kind of sticks in our craw, doesn’t it?

Our job descriptions at work they pretty much describe everything in deep detail and then they have a phrase at the end, “…and any other task deemed necessary.” It’s kind of a catch-all.  Which pretty much means everything else we tell you to do is now covered in this statement.  Let me ask you a question, as it relates to wives and their husbands and Christ and the church:  “Does Christ tell the church everything they should or shouldn't do?” Does He tell us what tooth paste to use or which shirt to put on? Does He care what color of car I drive?

So, Paul is saying, “…as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be subject to their own husbands in everything,” He is talking about the things the church needs to submit to God on, and things that the wife needs to submit to her husband on.  When my wife asks me if something is appropriate to wear, she is submitting to me on a spiritual matter, on holiness.  That’s submission.  Amen?  It is my responsibility in all spiritual matters to let God lead me as I lead my family.  Sometimes, am I going to make mistakes, as a man? Yes.  What do I do?  Admit that I’m wrong, quickly.  What do we do? We forgive quickly.  Like we said earlier, for a happy marriage.

When I committed to be part of the preaching team, it wasn't about I could do whatever sermon I want whenever I want; I can just take the mike and talk about whatever.  We submit to one another.  Chris and I submit to Parrish and Andy’s leading, who submit to Pastor Paine and the other elders leading, to meet the needs of the church.  If you haven’t got that submission—you might have the gift to preach, but if you don’t get that submission right first, you’re not going to preach.  The same with any other area of ministry.  If you don’t get submission right first, in your life, you’re not going to be called to do those things.  God’s going to prove that; it’s the same with your family.

When you submit, it allows the door to come open to receive—submitting is not giving up, like a boxer who submits, he’s down for the count and he’s not getting back up—it’s a term that allows you to be open and to freely receive what God has for you.  You are submitting your will to God.  It makes it easier for God to work with you because you’re no longer fighting God; you’re no longer struggling with these things.  Sometimes there’s so many problems in marriage, because you keep putting God, but if you’ll submit, God will open the door to show you what you should do or not do.  So submit is not a good word, but as we go through this, we’ll tie together how this whole family relationship works, and you’ll see that submit is a great word.  You'll see how submission in your home, and in your lives, and to God, will all start to work together.

Ephesians 5:25-33            Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of His body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

Love is often defined differently, even in a marriage.  Maybe the wife has grown up differently in a home where the word love is used; the parents hug each other, and they hug their children.  They tell their children they love; they hold hands, and kiss each other in front of the children.  Love is shown, it’s open.  Maybe the husband has grown up in a home where love wasn't said much.  He never heard from the father, “I love you,” or from the mother, “I love you.” Love meant he was provided with food and shelter and taught a good work ethic.  That’s how love was shown.  He may have never heard the words “I'm proud of you,” or “I love you, son." So, when a couple comes together, they may have totally different views on what love is, based on what they’ve grown up with, and what they’ve seen. 

That I would recommend that everybody read—Dr. Gary Chapman, he’s a Christian counselor and he’s the author of The Five Love Languages—right that down, maybe get into that.  I read that, and my wife read that, while we were dating, just to kind of get a better understanding of what we thought love meant, what we experience love as, how we give and receive love.  I would encourage you to read this if you are struggling with love in your own life.  Maybe you were never given love; maybe you’ve never been able to understand it. 

Paul keeps it simple in saying, "Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it...” People say that marriage is fifty-fifty; was it fifty-fifty with God?  So, is it supposed to be fifty-fifty with the husbands and wives?  This is a deep part of the message here.  God loves the church, and He responded that love with respect and loving.  Sacrifice is a big part of that love.  If we don’t sacrifice in love to our wives, why should we expect that in return?  Especially if we’re not on the same page as to how we should receive love.  My wife likes flowers; she likes to get flowers.  I’m going to get her flowers, but not only on her birthday, and anniversary; maybe I’m going to get her flowers just because.  She, in turn, and this is what I really love, I got her some flowers the other day, and she took some of those flowers and put them by our daughter’s bed.  She talked to her, and said, “Your daddy is teaching us love by these flowers, and these flowers are from your dad.”  At a young age, maybe she can’t understand, but she’s seeing that love.  That’s what we want to instill; that’s what we want to teach.  So Jesus loved the church more than we loved Him.  He loved us first.  So, it wasn’t a fifty-fifty, and, in the house, it should be the husband loving, first and foremost, more.  That’s the example; I’m just reading what the Scripture says.  We need to love our wives as we love ourselves.  If I go to the doctor, and the doctor says, “Hey, you need to stop eating those cheeseburgers; you’re going to have a heart attack.”  Should I stop eating those cheeseburgers?  Probably so; I might have a heart attack.  If I don’t love myself, then I’m not going to stop.  I need to love first.  If my wife comes to me, and says, “You don’t love me,” or, “You’re not showing that you love me by your actions,” how am I supposed to respond to that?  I need to change.  I need to love her first.  I need to show an action.  Amen?

I grew up in a home where there was a lot of abuse.  I seen it every day.  Husband, wife, father, step-mom…  Whenever he’d get mad, he’d slap.  I don’t agree with abuse of any kind; I don’t think it’s right.  I don’t think this statement of, “That’s how I was raised," is right, either.  You can change.  You can change from the way you were brought up.  You can change the way you were taught love.  Let God teach you first, and then set the example  Amen?

                Going back to that part where Christ loved us first; He made a statement to His disciples, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”  So, as a husband, you need to be willing to lay down your life, your needs, your wants, your desires, to meet the needs of your family, first.  Amen?

Acts 18: 1-3         After these things Paul departed from Athens, and came to Corinth; And found a certain Jew named Aquila, born in Pontus, lately come from Italy, with his wife Priscilla; (because that Claudius had commanded all Jews to depart from Rome:) and came unto them.  And because he was of the same craft, he abode with them, and wrought: for by their occupation they were tentmakers. 

Pricilla & Aquila were working together making tents, Paul stayed with them and worked with them.  Paul got to know them and see how well they worked together.  They already had this worked out, how husbands and wives should work together and love each other, and how their relationship with God should be.  Because:

Acts 18: 18-21    And Paul after this tarried there yet a good while, and then took his leave of the brethren, and sailed thence into Syria, and with him Priscilla and Aquila; [So, Priscilla and Aquila are now travelling with Paul] having shorn his head in Cenchrea: for he had a vow.  And he came to Ephesus, and left them there: but he himself entered into the synagogue, and reasoned with the Jews.  When they desired him to tarry longer time with them, he consented not; But bade them farewell, saying, I must by all means keep this feast that cometh in Jerusalem: but I will return again unto you, if God will.  And he sailed from Ephesus.   

Priscilla and Aquila were a team.  Notice how Paul didn't say Aquila and his wife; he said Priscilla and Aquila.  She had ministry with him.  They were in Ministry together. 

Acts 18:22-28     And when he had landed at Caesarea, and gone up, and saluted the church, he went down to Antioch.  And after he had spent some time there, he departed, and went over all the country of Galatia and Phrygia in order, strengthening all the disciples.  And a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man, and mighty in the scriptures, came to Ephesus.  [So, here comes a preacher to Ephesus.  And who did Paul leave in Ephesus?  Aquila and Priscilla.] This man was instructed in the way of the Lord; [he was taught by God] and being fervent in the spirit, he spake and taught diligently the things of the Lord, [this is key:] knowing only the baptism of John.  [So, there was a part missing.  Just like Parrish shared a few weeks ago that Paul came across some disciples in Ephesus; they were John’s disciples, and they were only taught John’s baptism.  They weren’t taught about the Holy Ghost.  They weren’t taught about Jesus.  When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.  Just because someone doesn’t understand that they need to be baptized in Jesus’ name, doesn’t mean that they don’t have a walk with God.  You have to meet them where they’re at, and take them to the next step.  Amen?] And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly.  [No, do you think that if they were just fighting all the time about which toothpaste to use, or which clothes to wear,, or this and that, that they would have been able to work together as a team?  They had all that submission to God worked out, and submission to each other, you know, submission to the husband, and the husband loving the wife, all worked out, so that they could share with this man the Gospel, together.]  And when he was disposed to pass into Achaia, the brethren wrote, exhorting the disciples to receive him: Who, when he was come, helped them much which had believed through grace: For he mightily convinced the Jews, and that publickly, shewing by the scriptures that Jesus was Christ.   

So, when he got that missing piece of the picture, he was able to go out and fulfill his ministry more.  To see more families come in the ministry and stay, we need to take those who have a heart to work together, and then lead by example.  Those husbands and wives, just like Aquila and Priscilla submitted to Paul’s ministry, so must we, husbands and wives, submit to the leadership of our ministry.  Amen?  Working all together, we can see people saved.  But, they will have to have that relationship with God worked out already, first, and then they will have to have that relationship with each other worked out already.  Then they must be willing to submit one to another in the church, as God has set up leaders and elders.  Amen?

That’s my message for today.  God bless you.

                           Sermon notes by Pete Shepherd